I recently have been wondering why Auden puts so much attention and effort into studying, and school then needed. Auden already easily made good grades, and understood the material fast as well, but still Auden confides in knowing more and doing more. I know this is a good thing, but in my story it says she is already at a very prestigious school, and they are pushing her. So why does she have to push further then ever? Is my wondering.
So I continued to read as always, and as I read I got to know the characters a little bit better. I already knew her parents affected her mentality a little bit because of the whole divorce, which is one of the reasons she has insomnia. But her parents also aren't really paying her enough attention to her as much as they should. I have noticed each character has some sort of expected role. The father to provide, the mom to well confide in, and then the theres her other sibling the lazy/attention hogger. So she really didn't fit anywhere except the role of the expected oldest to always do everything right.
So overtime Auden built up a whole plan in her mind on how to get her parents attention. She at first thought that if she exceed more and more they would pay her some time of day. But that was not the case, instead it became just expected and apart of the everyday bases. And as time went by her sibling kept getting bad grades, which got most of the attention from her parents, whether it was positive or negative it was something. And soon Auden realized that the only way she would get there attention, is if she failed, or got bad grades. Which she would have started to do, but she already was wired into getting good grades, and being able to understand everything so well. So it was too late. But I personally think that, that is a stupid way to think. I would rather have no attention then bad attention, but thats just me. I do understand were she is coming from after all its her parents she wants attention from, and everybody always loves having some attention from them. But I don't think the way she thought about going about this was right. But that is just my thought on her plan. So her plan didn't really work out in the end, and well she is smart enough to know it wouldn't have because she is not stupid to risk her good grades, no matter how much she wanted to feel needed, and crave attention from her parents. In the end she didn't go through with her plan and instead she just got use to being a member of the family and nothing much more.
Overall my questions and wonderings were answered, even though I was kinda annoyed by what I found out, and the whole reason behind Auden's obsessive motivation to school and academics. But I am just glad I found out because now I can understand things a whole lot more clearer.
So I continued to read as always, and as I read I got to know the characters a little bit better. I already knew her parents affected her mentality a little bit because of the whole divorce, which is one of the reasons she has insomnia. But her parents also aren't really paying her enough attention to her as much as they should. I have noticed each character has some sort of expected role. The father to provide, the mom to well confide in, and then the theres her other sibling the lazy/attention hogger. So she really didn't fit anywhere except the role of the expected oldest to always do everything right.
So overtime Auden built up a whole plan in her mind on how to get her parents attention. She at first thought that if she exceed more and more they would pay her some time of day. But that was not the case, instead it became just expected and apart of the everyday bases. And as time went by her sibling kept getting bad grades, which got most of the attention from her parents, whether it was positive or negative it was something. And soon Auden realized that the only way she would get there attention, is if she failed, or got bad grades. Which she would have started to do, but she already was wired into getting good grades, and being able to understand everything so well. So it was too late. But I personally think that, that is a stupid way to think. I would rather have no attention then bad attention, but thats just me. I do understand were she is coming from after all its her parents she wants attention from, and everybody always loves having some attention from them. But I don't think the way she thought about going about this was right. But that is just my thought on her plan. So her plan didn't really work out in the end, and well she is smart enough to know it wouldn't have because she is not stupid to risk her good grades, no matter how much she wanted to feel needed, and crave attention from her parents. In the end she didn't go through with her plan and instead she just got use to being a member of the family and nothing much more.
Overall my questions and wonderings were answered, even though I was kinda annoyed by what I found out, and the whole reason behind Auden's obsessive motivation to school and academics. But I am just glad I found out because now I can understand things a whole lot more clearer.
